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Blog: Juan Francisco de Coronado (4.25.15)

Posted: April 25, 2015
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My name is Juan Francisco de Coronado, and I am the team captain of The United Nations. The team that I, single-handedly, will bring to a golden opportunity and immortality. This "Challenge of the Immortals" tournament is not one that I will win with ease. In fact, there are some great obstacles in the way. This has been proven to me personally when my team was swept by the Battle Hive. The Battle Hive, which is led by their team captain, Amasis. This whole tournament aside, Amasis and I have a deep history. One I’m certain he has not forgotten either.

It goes back to a time when I was ruling over the Wrestling is Fun! roster. Our first encounter was a precursor of what our future would entail. I had just finished laying waste to a pirate-like vigilante, Jolly Roger. While I was making my glorious victory speech, Amasis jumped me from behind and forced me into a match which I was not prepared for. Amasis had been out with an injury and tried to make a statement at my expense. I can’t blame him, it’s a good day if you can defeat the finest export Ecuador has to offer. So there he was, taking advantage of an opportunity, handing me my first loss under the WiF! banner. I picked myself up off the mat and vowed to take revenge on the Funky Pharaoh. A few months later we met again, I refused to have a sneak attack be my undoing this time around. We were set to do battle and this time it was for all the potassium. This was finally going to be my crowning moment…

According to the record books, I was "defeated" by Amasis, yet again.

But to be fair, I did not get enough sleep the night before, I had jetlag, and I made the mistake of eating United Stations food for lunch. One year later, I'm back in the main event where I belong against the very man who had gotten the best of me twice before, Amasis. Once again, this match up would be for the ever-ripe banana! Amasis and I would trade hold for hold until one man was left standing. In Ecuador we have this ancient saying "the third time's the charm” and on this fateful night I would have my hand raised in victory. There I was celebrating, waving the Ecuadorian flag in one hand and the ever-ripe banana in the other. This truly had the makings of an Ecuadorian storybook ending.

Now Amasis has reared his ugly head again, so ugly, it must forever remain masked. He has taken away valuable points in this COTI tournament, and embarrassed me once again.

So Amasis I say this to you: you should have stayed out of my way. You have now placed yourself in the line of fire. In Ecuador, you are what we call a “dead man walking”! On May 2nd you and I are set to go one-on-one in Haverhill, Massachusetts and I hope you are coming prepared. This time it's not about the potassium. It's not about the COTI. It's about pride.

For Ecuador!


Photo Credit(s):
Animated gif courtesy tumblr's own Wrestling-Giffer