Blog: Steve "The Turtle" Weiner (4.25.16)
It has been far too long my friends. I know time is of importance, so I’ll just get straight to the point, and for once keep it simple. To the Director of Fun Mr. Mike Quackenbush, my math may be off on this, but last I checked it has been about 6 years since my last match inside a CHIKARA ring. Since then, a lot of important events have gone on. First of all, you have crowned 3 new Grand Champions, second of all you finally completed the New England cycle and visited my home state of Rhode Island, third of all you held a year long "Challenge of the Immortals." I missed out being a part of all of them. So when I heard through the grapevines that there was going to be an Infinite Gauntlet held in May, I knew that this is FINALLY my chance to come home.
You see from my point of view, winning this Gauntlet, winning a Golden Opportunity, is just the start. A victory of this scale, means that I am just one match away from the most important prize of them all, The Grand Championship. I can think of no higher honor than to say I was just once the Grand Champion of CHIKARA. So Mr. Quackenbush I am formally asking you to grant me a spot in this Infinite Gauntlet. Plus, if you can let the Prince of Queens enter this match, then surely there must be room for the Mayor of New England and President of the Turtle Club. ME!
IT’S TIME TO SHELL UP!!!
Blog: Amasis (4.5.16)
Tag World Grand Prix...one of CHIKARA's finest spectacles...and also a personal favorite of Yours Truly. On April 2nd, the world witnessed the reunion of one of THE BEST tag teams in the game today: The Osirian Portal. And in front of us, we had possibly the biggest challenge in the entire tournament, the last-minute additions TDT, from Quebec. No time to prepare. No time to scout. It was do or die.
They took us to our limit and we took them to theirs, It took so much out us that neither team could answer the 20 count and the match ended before any of us were ready. We couldn't let it go down like that. Not at the Tag World Grand Prix. Not with so much at stake. Whoever left the Wrestle Factory that night in victory was walking out with enough points for an immediate title shot.
In the spirit of competition we had the match restarted and the well-oiled machine that is the Osirian Portal manned up, and rallied to finally get the best of TDT and advance to the semi-final round. But then these French-Canadian lumberjacks showed everyone in attendance the meaning of "sore loser." No sooner are Ophidian and I declared the winners, TDT attack us, leave us battered and bruised, and in far worse shape than we should have been considering what awaited us just hours later: The Devastation Corporation.
The opportunity we wanted was taken from us because TDT couldn't handle defeat. They couldn't accept that on that day, in the middle of the ring, The Osirian Portal was the better tag team. Maybe they still can't accept it. Well The Osirian Portal wants revenge, and maybe you need to face facts, TDT. Lace up those boots, get out you best flannel shirts and knuckle up, boys. Because May 7th is the date, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is the location, and it will be TDT vs. The Osirian Portal: Part Deux!! Ya dig?!?!?!?
Blog: Flex Rumblecrunch (3.29.16)
Tournaments are special in CHIKARA. They have a purpose. Winning them provides title opportunities and bragging rights. I cannot stress enough how important tournaments have been for the Devastation Corporation. In the event that you forgot, allow me to remind you; Dev Corp established ourselves as top players in both CHIKARA, and tag team wrestling, by winning King of Trios 2014. That victory launched us into a different stratosphere. That victory led to more victories...and ultimately los Campeonatos de Parejas.
I would suggest that our luck ran out in 2015. Please pay attention to the use of the word "luck". It was by no accident that I chose that word. It started when we were upset by some dudes from Mexico at Trios and it continued through the round-robin Challenge of the Immortals. I am referring of course to Crown And Court blindly falling backwards into our glory. It was luck. It was a fluke. Had it not been for this blind luck we would already have a Golden Opportunity and be able to take what is rightfully ours back from N_R_G. Don’t get me started on those guys.
So now the Tag World Grand Prix 2016 stands in front of us. It’s another tournament with another big payoff. I have used the phrase “Evolution of Devastation” before. In many ways it’s a de-evolution. It’s all about going back to our roots. Pulling out that anger, aggression, and cold determination that helped us win King of Trios back in 2014. Flex and Blaster are not cartoon characters. We are not your next-door neighbor. Heck, if either of us knock on your door, it isn’t to borrow salt and pepper. It’s probably to spit in your face and kick your teeth down your throat. This evolution is bad for everyone in CHIKARA and this Saturday we have only one goal.
If the CHIKARMY decides to look outside of fantasyland and be realistic for a moment, they will realize that there isn’t a single team in this tournament that can stand toe-to-toe with Dev Corp. The scary part is that we can do what we want. We can wrestle, we can fly, and we can flat-out fight. There are no weaknesses or holes in our collective game. It will come as no shock to us, if the other teams in this tournament simply don’t show up. What sane, red-blooded humans would? However, someone likely will be dumb enough to do so, and that’s fine by us. We can use these other teams to keep our skills fresh because at the end of the Tag World Grand Prix 2016, we will have earned our 3 points. It’s at that point that N_R_G can start shaking in their boots and losing sleep. Devastation is coming and no one can stop it.