October 2015

Blog: Max Smashmaster (10.31.15)

Posted: October 31, 2015

This is to all you Clowns who didn’t think we had the legs to make it in CHIKARA. You mindless people who think all your five-foot-nothing wrestlers can overcome our dominance. This also goes for the boys in the back who say the same stuff. We hear the same old clichés, time and time again, as we walk into the locker room. You’re the same people who are saying that without Sidney we are not the same. Might as well spit in our faces, we might actually respect you more if you did that; rather than hide behind your keyboards and masks. Some might say that CHIKARA isn’t the same after all their casualties.
OH?! Did I hit a nerve; did I find a chink in your armor? Don’t worry, I can wait while you get a tissue to wipe your tears away. Are you OK? I don’t care either way.

You are all huge babies and we are sick of it. We are the same people we have always been. We would slap our mothers in their mouths just to make a payday. So let’s stop making claims that we can’t win anymore.

Speaking of being winners, we lead the pack in "Challenge of the Immortals" for months. MONTHS. We put every team on watch was we laid waste to everyone in our path to being Immortal. So what, we threw a match in North Carolina, and Blaster lost a few. But there is one team in CHIKARA that just won’t learn, one team that would be better off throwing the rest of their matches. Actually they should probably quit the business all together. "Broad And Court" you need to realize you are making a huge mistake. TIED, you’ve tied us in the standings. Go back and watch our matches from this year. I’m positive you don’t remember any of them; because we beat your skulls in so badly, you probably forgot the matches and math too. Go give the matches a watch, turn the volume up real loud. The cries from teammates as the others are getting pulverized; they are chilling even to us.

We have 11 points and you have 11 points. We are going to eviscerate the Arcane Horde on November 7th, and then mutilate John Fernando and his Nations the next night in Philadelphia. We are not scared because it’s very obvious, that you are going to lose. Losing is what you’re used to, winning is our best trait. Just like we’ve had a string of mishaps, you have also had your fluke victories. Enjoy the paydays because those days are over, and you will be back to being carpenters in a few weeks. Being tied with The Wrecking Crew, even for a week, is the height of your professional careers. Enjoy it before it's gone.

Enough about them; UltraMantis Black! Your Horde of flunkies is in for the fight for their lives. Your demons will pay with their lives, as will your Cromagna-moron Oleg. We know you have no friends left. CHIKARA fans, there will be no replacement for Mantis. He is leading his troops into the slaughter house and you will all bear witness to the Kings of Trios FOREVER, the World Tag Team Champions FOREVER, and soon to be IMMORTALS.


Blog: Mike Quackenbush (10.20.15)

Posted: October 20, 2015

The Challenge of the Immortals is about putting our emphasis on competition front-and-center. Multiple combinations, different match types, pairings we have never seen before. This week, we're putting the final 7 tournament matches in the cards, and the time for stalling and filibustering is over. If Max Smashmaster is insistent on having an atomico when the Wrecking Crew faces the Arcane Horde for the final time, so be it. But let's be perfectly clear here, UltraMantis Black may still be functioning as team captain for the Arcane Horde, but he is no longer an active wrestler. Don't imagine that we don't see what you're up to, Smashmaster. You're not that clever.

UltraMantis Black, if you can conjure up a suitable replacement to make this match happen, I'll sanction it. One night only, a replacement of UltraMantis' choosing will fill the fourth spot on the Arcane Horde at "Key Decisions" in Reading.


Photo Credit(s):
Dorothy Lee

Blog: UltraMantis Black (10.19.15)

Posted: October 19, 2015

First and foremost, I would just like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to to all those who expressed concern about my recently sustained injuries, and subsequent withdrawal from in-ring competition. Although this turn of events has left me crestfallen, my priority now is ascendancy of my mighty stable of fighters, The Arcane Horde. To this end, I have thus far been successful in finding suitable ways for the Horde to fulfill the remainder of our obligations in the "Challenge of the Immortals" round-robin. But it seems I have run into a proverbial roadblock with The Wrecking Crew.

I initially proposed a simple challenge: Oleg vs. Rumblecrunch, one-on-one. But captain Max Smashmaster expressed little interest. Next, I offered my demons The Batiri vs. Max & Blaster in tag warfare. Again, you so incredulously declined. I made a third effort, this time a trios match - Oleg and The Batiri vs. Devastation Corporation, to be the final match between the Arcane Horde and Wrecking Crew for the Challenge of the Immortals. Once more you relented, saying that you and your ilk would only agree to an atomicos match - 4-on-4.

Now then Wrecking Crew, you know full well that, due largely to your actions at KOT15, specifically the ghastly assault by one Flex Rumblecrunch, that I am no longer fit for ring action. And therefore, due to the well documented rules of the COTI, the Arcane Horde is no longer able to field a full 4-person atomicos team. UNLESS, an exception can be made! And that is why I call on CHIKARA's dear Commissioner of Fun to make a one-night-only adjustment to those rules. In the truest and purest spirit of the COTI, allow me to find a suitable substitution to take my place in order to deliver this match on 7 November. I implore you to consider this viable option, Mr. Mike. Not simply for the benefit of myself and my noble compatriots, but for the fans. The CHIKARMY, as I believe you have affectionately dubbed them? For they, in my most humble opinion, are the true lifeblood of CHIKARA!

I eagerly await an answer to this most earnest request.