December 2015

Blog: Kobald (12.3.15)

Posted: December 03, 2015

18 months is a long time to be gone. Everyone is asking me what happened to me after "You Only Live Twice" on May 25th, 2014. No, I did not take a vacation—it was quite the opposite. I remember precisely how everything went down. I stood in the middle of the ring amidst a war between the newly united CHIKARA roster and a group of evil entities called The Flood. In that ring I confronted a beast of a man I now know as Deucalion. In an act of equal parts bravery and foolishness, I speared Dueucalion as I had done to hundreds of foes before. Unfortunately, this time was different. This time, my foe did not flinch. Instead, he grabbed me by my throat, lifted me above his head and flushed the life out of me. After that, I’m not exactly sure where I went—whether it was the afterlife or another dimension — but it was a long, torturous ordeal. Have you read Dante’s Inferno? Imagine that with less fire, more brimstone. Fortunately, I did not have to spend the rest of eternity in that existence. The Batiri have brought me back to this plane of reality!

Now that I am back, I feel changes in me. For one, there is a new found hunger, for celebral cortex, to be specific. I assume it is directly related to the respawning process. UltraMantis Black warned there may be side effects from the sacred latrine ritual. Knowing him, I am lucky to make it back in one piece! Speaking of change, I now have a new lease on life. Previously, I had been a mischievous goblin. I took great pleasure in the pain and suffering of others. For that, I paid the price. I paid an 18 month sentence in the bowels of the “Other Realm.” In this new life, I have much to atone for. I refuse to suffer the same fate as I had for those long 18 months. This is my 2nd and last chance at life. I can only hope to use this new life for something positive…at least enough positivity to keep me from reaching another fiery existence! No longer will I take for granted a single breath, a single moment on this earth or especially, a single moment in that ring. That brings me to "Top Banana."

On December 5th, The Batiri will meet The Gentleman’s Club in a trios match. Believe it or not, humans, but I’ve never wrestled at the EXTREMELY historic 2300 Arena before! I’ve accompanied my demon cohorts on occasion, but I never had a match of my own on those hallowed grounds. On December 5th I’ll be standing beside my Batiri brethren against Drew Gulak, Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy. I’ve been in the ring with Drew Gulak and Chuck Taylor a few times before. I can’t say enough good things about those two men. They are easily two of the top 10 wrestlers I’ve ever encountered. (Oh yeah, Orange Cassidy will be there as well!) So this will be a goblin’s dream come true! I didn’t come back to CHIKARA to lose to any team. I came back to redeem myself. That journey has started in November and it ends when I do, which I promise, will be no time soon. Gentlemen, bring some Pepto-Bismol with you, because when we get done with you, your whole team will feel the pain of indigestion! See you Saturday.