October 2016

Blog: Chuck Taylor (10.25.16)

Posted: October 25, 2016

Always read the FINE print!

I entered the world of CHIKARA to make a name for myself and there was only one way to do it – take someone else's! There were papers printed, parties signed them, and I obtained the name CHUCK TAYLOR™ (along with some other stuff, which can only be described as deec). It was a lot of paperwork. Imagine the Marvin Gaye and Anna Gordy paperwork TIMES 10.

DUSTIN is contractually obligated to either record a duet with me (lol that voice), take Trent? and I to Universal Studios, or help me become a CHIKARA Champion. I chose the latter for him since Trent? has apparently blocked my number. Hey man, I didn't really mean it when I said “Roppongi Vice” needed an Akon solo. IT WAS A JOKE, MAN. Unblock me.

Anyway, on Saturday, November 5, we're entering a 4-way elimination tag-thing to win 3 points.

You all know what's next, baby. I mean, do you ever dream of Candy Coated Raindrops? If so, you'll see some Soul. FOR REAL. Chuckie T and DUSTIN as Campeonatos de Parejas!

No Diggity / No Doubt,

Blog: Hallowicked (10.18.16)

Posted: October 18, 2016

The multitude of fools who are willing to throw themselves before the might of Nazmaldun does not surprise me. Fools are born each day. Fools are trained to fight each day and fools are given a choice: to stand against Nazmaldun or to submit to his will. So it is no great shock when I am sent to lead his arsenal of living weapons to smash those who choose the latter and remove them from his path. But you, Ophidian, have done what no other has done. Not only did you ignore his call, not only did you dare to face his legion, you defeated his twin scythes Obariyan and Kodama in Haverhill.

I cannot pretend to understand how this was done as you so easily pretended to not be teamed up with a dead man that day. Your partner Amasis is marked for his heresy. One day soon the Spear, Frightmare, will slash him to shreds with the ferocity only a wild animal overcome with rage can hope to achieve. Yet you went into your match with a bullseye as a partner and came out victorious. Was this valor, or was this blissful ignorance of the consequences? We do not know and what we do not know gives us pause.

Nazmaldun has not assured my victory on November 5th like he has in all of my battles before this one. Nor has he guaranteed my defeat. He is for the first time uncertain and his uncertainty is an arrow in my side. Whatever trick, whatever power it is you possess that can cloud the all-seeing vision of my master, I vow to beat it into disuse. Your continued existence does us great insult and I, as his appointed Broadsword, will not stand for it.

Ophidian, I defeated you at National Pro Wrestling Day. On November 5th in Philadelphia I will serve your heart to the Lord of Rot.


Max Smashmaster (10.6.16)

Posted: October 06, 2016

This is a warning to the sideshow freaks and band of misfit toys that CHIKARA shelters. This includes fans and wrestlers:
Bakabella and I are not here to play your dumb games, or involve ourselves in your horseplay. The fun and games are over, for everyone.

To KimberLee:
Now that I’m reinstated, I’m going to hurt as many people as I can until I get my hands on you. It started with Vlad, CHIKARA’s lowly, potbellied carnival barker. This weekend It was some one-legged girl dressed like an emotional support dog. How many more people will you allow me to hurt before you finally show up and fight, Kim? Oh by the way, How does it make you feel that 900 fans chanted “Welcome back” at me when I showed my face at King of Trios? What does that do to your psyche?

To the sheep:
In February, I rained punches down on the head of KimberLee to the point where she started screeching. These sounds that she made told me a lot of things, but one stood out more to me than any other. Just as you fans chant “She's a Wrestler”...and you are right; she is. That's all she is; a wrestler. KimberLee is not a fighter, she is not a monster; but I am. I’m not a creature under your bed, but I am a person who would break your fingers just to see the look on your face. KimberLee is just a wrestler, she has compassion. KimberLee would never intentionally hurt anyone. Do you see where I am going with this? KimberLee cannot beat me. Not in a fight, not in a wrestling match. Never. My livelihood was stolen from me after that day. Fired! For 9 months I have planned and plotted. Made secret rendezvous with Bakabella to discuss how we could manipulate everyone into getting me reinstated. Let’s just say, everything went exactly as planned. Oh and by the way, Thanks for the “Welcome Back” chants you naive little lambs...you’ve given me an unexpected edge over KimberLee. You might as well have chanted “Please Beat Kim.”