January 2017

Blog: Cajun Crawdad (1.27.17)

Posted: January 27, 2017

It’s a warm October afternoon. I’m sitting on my front porch rocking in my chair, and listening to the sounds of the marsh. Dragonflies are buzzing about, frogs are chirping to one another and you can almost hear the faint sighs of the crocodiles. With a cool glass of lemonade, I am basking in the setting, and everything just feels perfect with the world. Except...it's not. There is a sharp pain coming from my knee. The pain pills the doctor prescribed me are wearing off and I’m going to have to get up and take more so that this terrible aching will subside for a bit longer.

Y'see, last year I tore my ACL after only just two matches at CHIKARA. I was devastated. I worked so hard and so long and it all came crashing down in an instant. The year that I could have been a part of, unfurled in front of me, and I just had to sit back and watch. During my recovery time, the thing that bothered me the most was missing out on being apart of the Young Lions Cup. It was going to be my stage to showcase all of my skills and prove to the world that I was going to be a force to be reckoned with. It killed me to have to sit on the sidelines. That’s why I fought back and recovered from my career-threatening injury.

This year, I’m going to be the force to be reckoned with. I didn't get my chance in 2016, so I'm putting the pinch on 2017. I was the first competitor to apply for the Young Lions Cup XIII, and I’m not leaving without that prized cup that so many greats have held. I will show the world what I can do on February 4th at the Wrestle Factory. I won’t let any more time be stolen from me. All the other competitors better be on notice that I’m coming...and I’m coming with salt.

Y'see when I travel back to my porch and I sit there with my lemonade and I listen to the sounds of the bayou...I'll be basking in more than just sunlight. I'll be admiring my reflection in that perfect, golden cup.


Blog: Sylverhawk (1.24.17)

Posted: January 24, 2017

As I sit at my Hewlett-Packard computer, I look to the future with excitement. I, Sylverhawk, will be stepping into the ring with 15 other competitors to compete for the Young Lions Cup on February 4th in Philadelphia. This tournament is truly a milestone and has been the launching pad for so many wrestlers. It has taken unknowns, similar to myself, and propelled them directly into the spotlight. I can only hope that a victory may allow me to take flight in my CHIKARA career, perhaps even launching me to the heights of past YLC winners like Fire Ant, Heidi Lovelace, or Hallowicked.

Winning the Young Lions Cup will not be an easy task. There will be combatants in this tournament who are incredibly quick, incredibly strong, and otherwise incredibly unique. In fact, I hear there is even a Space Monkey, whose brain I plan to pick regarding interstellar transportation. However, none of these competitors possess the skill set I do, nor have they prepared as thoroughly as I have. I am meticulously researching the other competitors in the tournament by studying all their available matches on VHS. I have also simulated matches through hours of video game play, using create-a-wrestler simulacra.

There's no telling if I will face tecnicos or rudos in the tournament, but it doesn't matter, ultimately. National Pro Wrestling Day will provide me with a rare chance. When opportunity pages, you better call it right back. I have seen the future, and it gleams...like a rainbow in the night. I can only hope that the CHIKARMY is prepared to get a glimpse of what the new millennium has in store. #CAWCAW


Blog: Sonny Defarge (1.19.17)

Posted: January 19, 2017

Dear Sirs and/or Madams,

I am Sonny Defarge, and you may call me Mr. Defarge. I, typically along with my business partner, Mr. Crummels, have seen great success in the business of buying and selling of goods and/or services. I have, of course, also won many a physical battle against a variety of decorated foes. Now that I have been confirmed for the Young Lions Cup XIII tournament, I must begin my training. As many of you may know, physical training comes at quite a cost in this economic climate. In this trying time it is my deepest regret that I must ask of any and every type of assistance possible to procure the proper training and supplementation (for Mr. Crummels as well. Therefore more support means a greater chance of success for these two upstanding businessmen). I can promise that any donations will be paid back with a healthy amount of interest as my number of successes increase. However, all donations must be made through Western Union. If you have any training equipment one may purchase I can send some associates with a cashier's check to retrieve it as I am not able to pick it up myself, due to the staggering physical regimen to which I must adhere in order to guarantee victory in the tournament.

It is clear that Mr. Crummels and I have already made quite an impression on both the audience and the competitors in CHIKARA, as the top tag team in the land. Now that he and I have both been announced for the Young Lions Cup, one may ask if I have any reservations about the possibility of competing against him. But the only worry I have is that the other fourteen competitors accuse the two of us of fraud or of unfair business practices when he and I are the two men left in the finals. Of our odds of winning on February 4th, I can certainly say that I have great expectations.

-Mr. Defarge

Blog: Hermit Crab (1.13.17)

Posted: January 13, 2017

On October 10th, 2015, Hermit Crab first appeared in a CHIKARA ring. He showed the world how dangerous him and his claws can be. When he walked outside the curtain to the ring, people didn't quite know how to act. Some laughed. Some didn't think much of him. But as they watched Hermit Crab walk along the second rope in awe and then hit Fire Ant with an elbow drop, they knew he was destined for greatness.

On February 6th, 2016, Hermit Crab had a chance to prove how great he was. He set his sights on the Young Lions Cup. A trophy, of which Hermit Crab knew the importance. Some of the greats has held this trophy and eventually went on to bigger things. The trophy seemed like it was getting closer to Hermit Crab. He eliminated one opponent. He could now see the trophy. He eliminated another. He can almost touch the trophy. But then in an instant...the trophy was out of reach.

On November 5th, 2016, Hermit Crab had another chance at the Cup. He had to strike lightning through the heart of ThunderFrog. Hermit Crab pulled out all the stops. The trophy was his....it had to be his. But after realizing that ThunderFrog was a little more skillful than Hermit Crab originally anticipated....it was all over. Never again. Never again will Hermit Crab lose sight of the Young Lions Cup! It can't happen again. It won't happen again.

Hermit Crab has been sharpening his claws. Hermit Crab has been training. He marked February 4th, 2017 on his calendar. That day keeps ringing in Hermit Crab's ear. He doesn't care who or what he has to put his claws through. The third time is the charm.


Blog: Cornelius Crummels (1.10.17)

Posted: January 10, 2017

Greetings beloved,

Please kindly pardon me for any inconvenience this missive may have caused you, as I know we have no previous correspondence. I am Mr. Cornelius Crummels a professional in the ring with many a year of experience facilitating gold exportation and sales. Generally, I prefer to allow my business colleague, the esteemed Mr. Defarge to transact and communicate on my behalf, as he has a large sum of money in an open account in Burkina Faso. (This money will need to be moved soon, and he may require your assistance, for which, he is willing to offer you a considerable fee.) However, he is unable to write today from his bed, suffering a longtime illness.

I have been specially chosen as the first entrant into the Young Lions Cup XIII tournament, and adding this accolade to my growing collection of golden treasures is a rare opportunity. All participants were selected through a multi-international computer ballot system drawn from 98,000 (Ninety eight thousand) names of lions around the world, as part of an expansive international promotion programme. You can be assured of a tournament field with only the most distinguished competitors. But my mind is not at rest because I am writing this letter now through the help of my computer.

While it is an honor to be the first one named, I feel this puts me at a serious disadvantage. My opponents now get more time to prepare for me, than I do them for them. Both myself and Mr. Defarge are proven champions of men, but demonstrating our prowess as singles competitors is something most dear to our trust worthy hearts. There are no tactics I would hesitate to employ in pursuit of this goal. I will use all skills and gifts at my disposal to secure the Cup. Your support comes at this most desperate of times, and it will be most appreciated if sent to the attention of @CCrummels with well wishes and regards. This is to ensure that nothing jeopardizes what might be my last wish on Earth.

Compliments of the day,
Mr. Cornelius Crummels